Churning Wheels
by Hiasobi
Summary: Lucas Athrun Kira Cagalli. And the merry go round and round and round. [Gundam SEED] when Athrun swings that final strike, Kira just wants to close his eyes and he flies away weightless. AthrunKira, CagalliKira, LucasAthrun
1. First Turn

**Churning Wheels :** First Turn

. .

_Lucas_

. .

Lacus is engaged to Athrun. They will marry some day.

Everyone on PLANT knows this. Their fathers arranged it but it couldn't have been more right, they suited each other so well. They were young now but some time in the future when the war is over, the joining of the two teenage idols will be a happy, joyous event.

Everyone knows this.

Lacus is young but she doesn't mind. He wouldn't have been her first choice but she was young, who thinks of who they're going to marry at this age?

Lacus hadn't gotten to pick but she doesn't mind. Athrun is quiet but kind. He never talked much with her but he had given her Haro as a present and when she had like it so much, he made her many more _(Silly - but kind)_.

Athrun was quiet but steady; he was a quick thinker and a source of ever lasting calm _(guess you have to be in the army)_.

She knows that Athrun doesn't love her and that she doesn't love him, but they are young and they have time.

. .

_Athrun_

. .

Athrun walked away from Kira one day, that time long ago, back when things had still been peaceful and the war had not been so close. Back when people had not been as hurting and painful as now. Back then, Kira had promised he would one day come join Athrun soon in PLANT.

The day never came.

Athrun had promised he would not fight. Athrun had promised he would advocate peace and live a peaceful existence. Athrun had said he hated fighting. Athrun had promised they would be friends forever. Athrun had said he would never join ZAFT.

Athrun had lied.

Athrun had entered ZAFT after the incident of Junius 7, because there are things even Athrun can't forgive. The days and nights were spent in slow boiling anger and tenderly cultivated hatred. Athrun trained day and night to be the best he could be, so he would be picked and recognized, so he could fight in the front line. Athrun had shone in his talents for war so brightly so he could give back the amount of pain he had been given.

Athrun had forgotten about Kira.

Years passed without any letters or mail exchanged between the two of them. Years passed in which Athrun's body was honed, trained, pushed past its limits; years in which Athrun made new friends, comrades, and relationships.

Years passed, in which Athrun would once in a while think about his old childhood friend and their promise and wondered if Kira had come to PLANT yet. Years passed in which whenever Athrun felt like giving up he would look up to see the picture of the sweet smile of the brown haired boy he left behind and remember _this_ was what he was fighting to protect. _This_ was what was gong to get him through life.

Years, which, in the end, was tearing them apart.

. .

_Kira_

. .

Kira missed Athrun. That time long ago, he had wanted to follow him and join him in PLANT. But his parents didn't want to be involved in the war and he hadn't had the means to go by himself.

So he followed them to Heliopolis.

Kira was again the new boy, new kid, new transfer. Only this time they all thought he was a Natural, or if someone assumed he was a Coordinator they didn't ask. Kira spent his days in peace but he missed-missed-_missed_ Athrun so much. He made new friends and met new people but they were different and weren't the same as Athrun.

Kira had spent the first few days sending emails to Athrun and occasionally the boy would respond until one day it stopped. The address did not exist, the phone number was no longer in use, and the mail always got sent back to sender.

So Kira tried to move on. He made new friends, smiled, and went out with them to have fun. He smiled sometimes, laughed sometimes, felt sad sometimes, was touched once in a while in that deep way, and _lived_ - sometimes.

But in the end, it all came back to the feeling of Torii's lightweight on his shoulder, because otherwise he would not be able to be there at all.

. .

_Cagalli_

. .

Cagalli first met him when he saved her from the destruction of Heliopolis.

He was a slim boy, of strong shoulders and gentle touch. He treated her as a normal girl and put her in an escape pod, and ran back into danger where he could have been killed.

At some level or other, he had been willing to die for her.

She engraved his face into her heart, the sound of his voice into her head, and the feel of his touch in her skin.

She would never, ever forget him. She wanted to know his name and she so desperately wanted to see him again, safe and sound, to be able to feel his soft touch and be held in his gentle arms once more.

He appeared as pilot of a metallic angel, an object fallen from the paradise called ORB.

She felt betrayed.

But then she forgave him. Because he had to save his friends. He had to help those in pain. He was sad and wounded and gentle and she had to forgive him because he was safe now, and well, and alive next to her.

He hadn't changed and she wanted to take him away where it was just the two of them again so he could touch her softly and she could drown in his voice. She imprinted his every expression into her memory and she made him smile in the hardest of times.

He remembered her. He allowed her into his heart.

She loved him.

. .


	2. Second Spin

**Churning Wheels : **Second Spin

. .

_Lucas_

. .

When Lucas meets Kira for the first time, she is overcome with the feelings of kindness and compassion coming from him. She stares at his gentle soul and looks at him softly because he is so easily hurt and no one on the ship understands him. He brought her food, treated her nicely, and let her out of her room. And in his eyes was a pain she had only seen similarly before in Athrun's.

When she sees Athrun again on PLANT after she had been rescued off the Archangel, she smiles her soft smile and invites him in. He has brought her flowers as a gift. He trails after her silently and asks to be forgiven for involving her in the war.

When he finally speaks, he talks of the gentle-hearted boy whom she had met and Athrun wanted to know, if Kira remembered him at all. If Kira remembered him kindly.

Athrun has always been polite and kind, he had never demanded anything from her in the relationship and he never asks for much. Athrun was very steady and kind and Lucas liked him, even if he usually held himself aloof from everyone.

But when he beseeches her for the answer only she can give, she looks into his earnest and _(for the first time)_ vulnerable eyes; she thinks about how their fathers said that over time they would grow to love each other -

She sees Athrun Zala, who made many acquaintances but very few friends and who after Junius 7, even held his father at a distance. She sees his heart in which she has been trying to touch for so long, she think about how their fathers said that she would one day be in his far-away heart, and observes that someone else is already there ahead of her.

Kira is there behind Athrun's eyes.

. .

_Athrun_

. .

When Athrun flies into a battlefield with Kira in it, it's hard. It's so hard.

It's wrong.

Kira shouldn't be fighting against him. Kira should be on PLANT, safe and protected. Kira should not be inside a mobile suit and taking on an army by himself.

It's wrong.

Kira was gentle and caring and he didn't belong anywhere on a battlefield except in Athrun's heart, where Athrun carries Kira and fights for him.

He's what Athrun fights for.

Kira shouldn't be on the opposing side, fighting alone, in pain, and unable to pull out. Athrun fights for Kira, gentle-hearted_/soul/minded_ Kira who never understood pain and violence and things like war and hate. Athrun fights so Kira would never have to fight at all. Athrun _protects_ Kira.

It's wrong. Athrun should not be fighting against the one he is trying to protect.

_It's so wrong._

. .

_Kira_

. .

Kira hurts when he sees Athrun out there in a suit. His heart hurts and throbs and clenches, and he cries because where was the Athrun who wouldn't fight or join the army or ever wanted hurt others. Where was the Athrun who was kind and had protected him from everything.

Kira doesn't want to fight Athrun, they were supposed to be beside, not against, each other forever.

And every time Kira raises a hand and Athrun returns the blow, it's like a promise broken. A millions broken promises floating between them in space, the thousand shattered pieces of their lives suspended in the vacuum.

Kira doesn't want to fight and Athrun wants him to stop fighting, but neither can pull back. Athrun begs him to step down but Kira thinks bitterly that Athrun wouldn't understand.

Athrun couldn't understand because he left Kira behind and Kira had to pick up the jagged pieces and move on. He had to move to a new place, new faces, make new friends, and continue walking forward knowing that Athrun would not be coming back for him even if he looked back. He had to brave the cold harsh world alone and wondered why Athrun wasn't here, and Kira had been so lonely until he met Sai, Tooru, and Millieria.

Athrun doesn't understand that Kira is all that his friends has left to protect them, and Kira would fight for them because he can't afford not to. Because Kira thinks that if they left him behind as well, there would be nothing left of him.

Kira blames Athrun because he was supposed to be there for him for everything. Athrun was supposed to protect Kira, and Kira was supposed to support Athrun. They were supposed to walk through life together.

Kira hurts and he just wants it to end. He wants it all to end. And when Athrun swings that final strike, Kira just wants to close his eyes and he flies away weightless.

. .

_Cagalli_

. .

When Cagalli sees the Coordinator Athrun again, she finds him somewhat familiar. This is a person whom she had learned was kind and they had formed a truce on that island. When she finds him wounded, she takes him in and heals him.

When he wakes up in more pain than he actually is, she understands a bit. They are in a war and everyone has done things they wished they hadn't, and things they never wanted to do. Even if he was from the enemy side, she is willing to forgive him to an extent.

But then he says he killed Kira.

Her Kira.

And she grabs him and slams him to the wall. He just said he was Kira's friend and that he's killed _(her gentle, caring)_ Kira. How? How could that be possible?

Killing because someone was killed. Hating because you were hated. Where did it all end? Does it ever end?

She wants to deny it but he's screaming the words and the facts out loud and they vibrate in the room, there's nowhere for her to run from them. And she cries, tears she wants to deny, and she wants to hate him.

She wants to hate so much. He killed Kira _(gentle Kira who didn't belong in a fight)_! He killed Kira _(tender-hearted Kira who shouldn't have to feel pain)_! He killed Kira _(soft-souled Kira who didn't deserve to die)_!

He _killed_ Kira!

But she can't hate him. Because Kira didn't hate, not even at the end - she is sure. Kira didn't hate and even if the Coordinator Athrun is his murderer, Athrun is still crying and in pain and Kira's friend. To the end, he was still Kira's friend.

She can't hate him because Kira didn't hate and she wants to be someone who Kira could love.

And she doesn't forgive him, but she won't hate him. When he leaves, she gives him her necklace because he's Kira's friend and one of the last pieces of Kira that's left. She wants him to live and come back to her because he's all that's left of the gentle boy she can hold onto.

. .


End file.
